Wandering Thinking Wishing

* Busy Is ***

2009-07-23T19:42:53Z

Busy is me starting September 8th 2009

I will be going to school mon-wed 9-4
I will be co-oping at the hospital thurs and fri
I will be working at bb&b my norm twf - 5-cl sat and/or sun

THINK POSITIVE !!!
I know it will all be worth it

Yeah yeah yeah

2009-05-21T20:24:12Z

So laetly all I do is go to scholl then to the hosptial then to work with only two days off a week im tired with no time to myself trying to loose weight and stay sane.

I have been so fucking busy I forgot my birthday is only a month away , but I remembered all my friends got a couple ( nicole, adam, and one other).

Im trying to just keep my head up. I also am missing BSG , but the new season comes to dvd in july.

I loved Star trek !!!!!!!!!!!!!and Xmen origins, (there is something at the end totally not worth staying.

Might see terminator tonight YAY!!!!

Thought I would clue you in , lol.

2009-03-27T02:48:09Z

So I know I don't post on here much and I am sorry for that because I truly love to do it when I get a free moment in my life which right now is very rare, lol.

School
For those that dont know i am going to school Clinical Lab Tech, I will be starting (hopefully) my phlebotomy rotation for 7 weeks mid April,which will be from 5AM to 7AM, im scared as shit. Then in mid June I will starting my actually clinical lab rotation, which is 40 hours a week on top of my current job. BUt I honestly know I will love what I will be doing so hopefully I can just get thorugh it all.

Work
I am still at bed bath and beyond in colerain, and still as always hate it. I wish I could get something different but with my schedule nothing is really ideal ya know. I just have to suck it up until beginning of 2010. I did finally tell my manager I can only work two Sundays a month since he does like to schedule me 9 hour shifts.

Love
Me and jamie are still going strong, I hope to have my wedding October 30 2010, but it all depends on school, and money situations. I don't have my heart set on any date in particular. I do want to get married at the reds stadium and have black red and white as our colors for my Cincinnati reds of course. We are currently living in Jamie's Mom's basement which I can't stand I think everyone knows that. I'm trying to put up with them upstairs and everything but im at my breaking point, but right now we are broke and this is for the best, to try to save ( cant happen if his mother keeps bumming money he doesn't have though.)Sorry about that.

Other
I'm so stressed right now. I'm letting myself go, I always look exhausted because I am, I don't care about my weight and what I eat which in turn just depresses me more, and as we all know I cant much more depressed. Debt of course is overwhelming, I don't have tons but it is enough to get me really down. I never have any time to go out. The only time my friends call me is when they want me to do something or need to vent, Which I am so tired of. As you might be able to tell I have no one to vent to so i do it on here. If things don't get better soon i am 110% serious when I say you will (if you care enough) be coming to my funeral. I cant take much more. But I put a smile and my mom says oh its nothing you will be fine, sure sure I will.

So sorry about all that depressed talk.

Good Note
I have been watching Dollhouse , Terminator Tscc ("Give me the gun, you are NOT going to shot me."-John Connor), American idol ( go my red headed vixen),Ghost hunters ( I love taps), and as always simpsons.

Cincinnati REDS
I have an exam April 6th then after that I am going to opening day parade, then I am going to my FIRST OPENING DAY GAME. And I am also going to the real fans opening day the 2nd game with very good seats. I LOVE MY CINCINNATI REDS !!!!!!!!!

Love you all who don't read :)

So..... YEah ...

2009-02-23T21:34:23Z

So Academy awards sucked , like always how does a crappy bally wood movie win out over SOUND in a movie that had NO FUCKING WORDS !!!!!

Oh yeah I hate slumdog !

Um school takes up all my time

It's crazy learning about instruments in the lab, anemia's, leukemia's, and what not !

Yeah I have no life officially.

After xmas greetings

2009-01-01T22:01:36Z

So as I am sitting in bed sick as all hell. I figured I would post a little update.

One I set a wedding date October 30 2010.

Two Christmas was awesome we had four of them all together ...

From Dad..
100 bucks cash

From Mom...
-Laptop :)
-Two new faerie statues
-Books
-Bath stuff
-Various other small stuff.

From Jamie...
-Amazon 25 gift cert
-Kindle skin
-Twilight Soundtrack
-Wanted DVD and a need for speed game
-Bath tub thingy
-Variopus small stuff

From Linda (jamies mom)
-Guitar hero III
-microwave (lol)
-scarf(gma)
-New sleep pants
-Sour patch kids
-Method body wash Water flowerr LOVE it
-Various small stuff

From Chuck (jamies Dad)
-MY BRONSON ARROYO SIGNED BALL
-50 bucks cash

From My Secret Santa(susan )
-A cinci reds shirts
-AN AUTOGRAPHED ARROYO JERSEY !

From Grandpa
-Our yearly CLocks
- my 400 check
( and my gmas Crystals shhh its a secret)

So...... We are finally moving on the 15th and 16th and I am watching BONES matathon on TNT !!!

X mas card s

2008-12-20T21:52:06Z

Sorry for the delay of getting my christmas cards out everyone, They are coming I promise :)

Two Greeat Movies

2008-11-19T04:46:25Z

Just went to see Role Models..... It awesome... watch it. Esp if you a nerd like me..... I love aurig.

Second Doomsday... she is bad ass !!!!!!

New Books

2008-11-13T15:33:45Z

So as you all may know I have my kindle and I am still in love with it.

I just got done with book four of the morganville vampires series, by rachel caine. IT is absolutely amazing. This some of her best work that i have seen, a constant cliff hanger. Now I have to wait till beginning of the year for book five.

I decided to try out a teen series The first book is crank, Im sure some of you might have heard about it.

I want to read the pc cast series of the undead series but i have to find books 1 and 2 for kindle.

FUN TIMES... I LOVE READING !!!! YAY

In That Moment

2008-10-12T03:02:35Z

In That Moment I felt Complete.
As you slept
Head down,
Body shaking,
I knew you needed me
as much as I needed you.
My heart felt whole.
Never been better.
Waking the next day
I understood you
were not mine.
Crying I miss you
I will miss you for..
ever.
It's not until
I had that moment
what therapy
can be brought.
You are not far away
But my heart aches.
A small paw print
resides in my heart
completing it.
I lost
what I never had.

***** Story*****
Jamie's (My fiance) mom found a dog in over the Rhine area. We thought it was going to be a ghetto pit so much to our surprise it was an adorable Rat terrier. Jamie's mom is keeping here with the two other boys. Sammy a beagle/basset and Joey a toy fox terrier.But we had to keep watch of the dog for many hours. And she was so scared and so tired she slept right there in my lap the Whole time.Needless to say I am in love. And although she is only one street away I know she will become Linda's Jamie's Moms dog and My heart cant take that. She made me for the first time in many many years NOT BE DEPRESSED. That was the best feeling and I will not have it. Her Name is abbey (road) and I love her and she has a caring home now. After being left to fend for herself in OTR.

My Update

2008-10-09T00:56:43Z

Currently Reading
-Catching up on my series
-Kim Harrison, Kelley Armstrong, Rachel Caine

Currently Watching
-It's always Sunny In Philidelphia
-Csi
-House (need to catch up)
-Dog the Bounty Hunter
-Bones :)
-Many other random

Current Others
-Still working at bed Bath and Beyond.
-Starting Cincy State again in Nov.
-Living with Jamie
-Need to start working out
-Still loving my reds
-Geared up for cyclones
-BUSY
- Having a hard time writing :(

Bones

2008-10-09T00:42:50Z

So I tonight right now am watching my first episode of bones, and I am hooked sooooo will have to go back and watch previous season(s).

Also CSI season premiere Tomorrow I am super Excited.

Also watching past episodes of It's always sunny in Philadelphia and Just finished The first season of Californication, Oh lord need to get showtime season 2 on now.

Okay for now I am done with my rant lol.

Also for those of you who don't know I got a kindle (electronic book reader) it has saved my purse from weighing a million pounds. Go to amazon to look at it, Its expensive but Totally worth it.

Yeah also I am trying to get back my motivation to go back to victory lady I have a membership Paid in full till 6-2009, but it is kinda ghetto there. i wish I had money for like curves or some place nicer lol.

okay gotta go.

Books Glaore

2008-10-01T20:18:34Z

So I wrote a book list of series and other random books I need to catch up on or got recommended to me. I will put it up here as soon as its organized. lol

I lied lol

2008-07-23T04:19:51Z

So i said i was going to start posting more in here and I really need to. But lately ihave been struggling with my writing and it is really making me go insane. I cant stand it so i figured I would get back to writing down the story of my life That should inspire some ideas, lol. But lately it has been crazy.

In jan i got a new car a 2008 Scion XD automatic, and three days ago my mom backed into it fun right, so right now am trying to get all that figured out.

Im working a hell of a lot, should be getting a raise soon YAY!

On a good note i am going to knoxville on August 1- August 5 and seeing RAW while down there. I cant wait it a much needed break although i will be losing out on mass money its okay.

Right now I am watching X files we started in the sixth season but we are going to watch them all one day along with my six feet under.

Fun times Give me inspiration and I have no life so call me/ message me because I have no friends.!!!

Pictures

2008-06-05T18:02:10Z

I added a lot of pictures to my scrapbook it's only a few. But it was late i will add more and start writing in here.

I Need

2008-06-04T04:59:12Z

So i am going to start using this more I really do need to so... Look for me. Oh and i turn 21 soon YAY, but have a fucked up ankle. Its sucks and have to basically work 9 am to 11 pm with a two hour break tomorrow. It sucks. I will do a full update on Thursday. Thanks.

Social Vibe

2008-05-08T04:19:36Z

Dawnofanewday invites you to SocialVibe

So Life is Crazy Writing is Scarce

2008-04-12T03:02:05Z

So I am out of school till Late fall and Just recently got a second job at my first job (Dakota Watch Co.). May 1st I will be moving in with jamie in the apt above my house. So between working and packing I don't have much time for anything, and it sucks. I am really missing writing. But Soon enough we will be settled I hope. Once I get settled hopefully I will have time to update this regularly until then. goodbye.

Thoughts running through My Head Can't THink straight

2008-03-30T02:46:05Z

So it is kinda weird Everytime I write on here is when I am feeling kinda low and don't want a lot of people to read it. SInce I know that not a lot of people read this or even care I just use this to get out feelings, when I am lazy and dont feel like picking up a pen. I cant say that life has been bad lately because it hasn't. Just my depression has flared up again and I feel like shit. Right now I wish I was with jamie but on the other hand I don't want to see him. There is no real reason to it, That is just how it is. I want to cry and I don't know why. I feel like my life is missing something. But I cant not figure out what. I know that between me and Jamie there is still a lacking romance between us which sometimes gets me pretty down. But other than that I can't think of anything. I should be happy I am engaged and we are moving in together, but it just sucks. I have to go home I have to be alone this sucks really it does. My mind plays with me and it always screws up my life.

Snow Day

2008-03-08T18:16:06Z

So my work closed YAY! and since Jamie just got my Lost odyssey I figured I could start playing it he is getting his 360 now. Im excited.

Sunset; Sunrise

2007-12-16T04:24:43Z

The first couple Chapters of my book.....

Sunset; Sunrise ….. And then again.
By: Dawn D. Schultz

Started Tuesday November 27, 2007

Chapter One

As I walked out of the room, I smiled and then said I will see you soon. I was unaware that this moment in time would be my last to experience true happiness, for a long while. That day was almost nine years ago and I still remember it vividly every waking moment.
You might be wondering who I am missing greatly; that would be my grandma. She was the light of my life, she was always there for me and best of all never judged. She had a heart attack the first week of March and about a week and a half later was gone. The last time I saw her was about two days before she passed away. She told me I would see her soon, but I think she knew. She was trying to spare me pain, because you see I need her. Even to this day I need her in my life.
Now the day that she passed I wasn’t with her I was at a family friend’s house, even there I felt her go. It broke my heart in a way no one would understand. My mother was the one who told me.
“Grandma’s gone,” she said.
“Okay.” I said.
It didn’t sink in for some time. No one could understand why I wasn’t crying. Even at the funeral I kept a straight face and when people said I’m sorry, I just nodded. Even hung out with some friends at the funeral home, and got stoned that night. In my life I blocked it out and continued on like it was a regular day.
The first tear fell about a week later, when I was over Grandpa’s. I went into the kitchen expecting her to be sitting in her chair. It was empty; to this day it hurts when people sit there. It was her seat. From that day until about a week later I cried; locking myself up in my room, crying until I fell asleep. Honestly can’t come up with all that happened that week. I just blocked it out of my memory.
What I do know is I lost a very special person in my life. That no one would ever be able to replace. They couldn’t even understand how determinately devastating it was to me. It totally changed how the rest of my life would evolve. I try to think how my life would have played out if she was still here. It hurts, because I think I would be happier. Something I desire to be every instant I am breathing.
The reason this moment in my life plays a significant part in this story is because it just might be when all my trouble started. By trouble I don’t mean physical, mental more than anything. See I was already smoking cigarettes and pot, but the instant I realized she was gone was the first time I felt depression. Never will I be in the pain that depression has put me through. See I was in the sixth grade at the time; I failed that year. Mentally I didn’t care anymore, nothing really mattered. I did more drugs, less school and a lot less smiling.
From that day depression has had a hold of me and affected the course of my life dramatically. My grandmother took a piece of my heart, and my smile to her grave.

Chapter One and a half

This is an interruption to introduce you to my family. Now since I’m not a brainaic. I am going to introduce them how I see fit. First you already know my grandmother; my grandpa is still doing well. I love him to death and they were the perfect couple. You know the lovers that ran off at young ages to get married. Then you have my mother who I give credit to for always being there for me, always making sure I have what I need. Now you have my uncles , both great, and were great male role models in my life. The youngest of the kids my uncle Dan shares the same birthday as me. Now sometimes that is a good thing other times, I wish he didn’t. You see he has grow apart from the family and I don’t see him much anymore. But this also gives me time to get to know my other uncle Dale more. He just got remarried to a wonderful woman and has an awesome son, Brian; who I am proud to call my cousin. Growing up he was like my little brother, annoying but I will always love him.
My father we will get to later. But my family is semi normal. We are German so we’re kind of loud and don’t hold back. The not so good thing is that we keep secrets, a lot of them. But I guess it works for us at least. I had a pretty fair childhood. For the most part I spent most of my time at grandma and grandpa’s house. This was due to the fact that mom was working her ass of all the time. She is a hair stylist and a damn good one at that. I’m close to my family, a home body of sorts. I bitch about them but in the end sometimes they are all I have.

Chapter Two

You don’t know what you are getting into. Many people in my life have heard that statement. So be proud that you have gotten yourself into something that will change your view on certain aspects of life forever. Take that, this chapter per say as a disclaimer.
I couldn’t let go, I was too young. I held on to my grandma for years after her death. But my story will start with maybe the preface to my depression: introduce My Father. The man I didn’t know until I was sixteen, and up until that year though he knew I existed and just didn’t care. So really from the beginning I was fucked. For me and mom it was low money, shitty apartment and relying on grandpa to help support us. This caused my early drug use. Which my no means as I complaining about, I had a damn good time and I also got the drug phase out of the way pretty early. You see my mom tried to discipline me but I was damn sneaky. You know acting like she had control but we both knew she didn’t have a damn clue.
Anyways back to my father. I soon found out that my lovely mother never told him, he was clueless. This sucks in a way because all the years and time I had spent hating him were in vain. He is a good man, a little weird but it comes with the family. I don’t resent my mother anymore for not finding him. She was trying to protect me, but I do hate her for not trying. What could it have hurt to just tell him? If he didn’t want me then I would be in the same life. Now if he did you would probably not be hearing this story right now.
I spent 14 years of my life with the same people, same friends, and same neighborhood. When my mom finally caught up to my activities we moved. It wasn’t very far but far enough for me to get mad about not having pot to smoke, or someone to buy me cigarettes. So what’s a girl to do when she is lost? She finds new friends, new “hobbies”, introduce old ones to her new friends, and drifts off into the same routine. Mind you the same routine mom tried to get me away from.
These new friends, in the end meant a lot to me. They were not just smoking buddies, or friends to call when you were bored. After all was said and done they were the ones I called family. They were always there for me and as cliché as it sounds, might not have made it without them. As much as fun as this was they were also love triangle central which begins my journey into relationships.

Chapter Three

See I have always needed to be in a relationship because I need to feel loved. Now I know just like the rest of my friends you will say we love you. But the love you get when you are in a relationship is different and for some reason I need that love. I always have, for years I went from guy to guy because no one made me feel that way. Please don’t get the wrong assumption and think I am a whore, or Slut. That is far from the truth actually. Every man I have ever been with has been very special to me. Usually lasting a long time then ending when I get scared or felt tied down. For the sake of time I am going to limit the relationships I talk about. So let’s get started.
The first relationship was a guy named Erik, he was older than me and so I thought more mature. I met him through some lodge my mom went to. Early on in our getting to know each other I learned that he would be going into the Air force pretty soon. Not a great start but hell I wanted something real and as naïve as I was I though this might be it.
During this same time, I was hanging with the guys. Which I forgot to tell you, in my new group of friends they were all guys I was the one and original female. Once they found out I was dating this jock, they laughed at me. But you know I wanted it to work. Erik and I were together for awhile and then inevitable he broke up with me when he left for boot camp. Using the I don’t want a girlfriend while in there excuse, whatever. Well we got back together. He was still in boot camp and during that time I cheated on him, hey I don’t regret it any. The guy is gay and a great friend still. Anyway we broke up again and I said I was done.
For awhile I just hung out with friends and had a good time. The original group was four of us: Benji, Benb, Corey and me. Then john came in the picture, but still was having a blast. They were my family and Corey I called my little brother. Now I had other friend’s girls but not many and only my best stayed around. Her name is Chrissy, and I love her. But during this time I met a guy named Gregory. Now see I can’t really comprehend how exactly we met, but we evolved into a great couple; that had the same friends, and were having fun.
This truly evolves into a different story so lets hold off on that for a little bit.

Questions And Answers

2007-07-19T13:17:32Z

Meme rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying anything random, like your favorite lyric to your current favorite song. Or your favorite kind of sandwich. Something random. Whatever you like.
2. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be asked, you will ask them five questions.

Nicole9514 asked the following:

1. What's your fav harry potter book?
-sixth, it has everything
2. What's your idea of the perfect day?
-going to a park , and then at night looking at the stars
3. Cat or dog person?
-Always a cat person i hve four, but jamie has two dogs and I love them to death.
4. What's your fav movie?
-eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
5. If you could only eat one type of food the rest of your life (like pasta's, breads etc) what would it be?
-potatos, i would get super fat.

lol

Writers Block: Overcoming it

2007-07-04T17:00:37Z

***State I have never seen.

Flipping through pages of memories,
Always seems to make me a little sad,
Maybe once or twice glad.
But right now I’m neither of those.
Melancholy, a world of which I do not know.

I feel vacant and void,
The past no longer haunts me.
Although at many instances I don’t like what I see.
I know my life has come to what it should be.
Letting go of all that I once was has never felt so fine.

I still remember every moment in time,
Now they are just those moments of my past life.
Here, now, today I am just a girl,
creating new moments,
to come across and constantly have a sense of pleasure.

*************************************
Missing What We Shared.

We used to be as one together,
I would never leave home without you.
The feeling you gave I accepted with pleasure.
Forever taking away the pain and giving relief.
Sweeping across my skin,
It was the sin I lived for.
Then one day I left you behind.
I felt so alone no one to take away that pain.
I fell into a hole of darkness, all alone.
Getting harder and harder to stay alive.
I miss that feeling,
The sigh of relief when we were done.
Sometimes I don’t feel alive without you,
but I know I can’t have you back.
I am trying to get better,
and I know you are there if I need you.
In a drawer waiting,
Waiting for a taste of my blood.
*************************************
Contrary to Your Beliefs

My world did not fall due to you not being here.
I’m sure you would like to think that though.
I didn’t cry night after night, longing for you touch.
Although I’m sure that is what you thought.
Never did I suffer while I was alone,
Although I’m sure you wanted me too.
There was no looking through the memories,
I’m sure that’s what’s you wanted.
Instead of playing games, I just walked away.
I’m pretty sure you should have done the same.
I was hurt that you didn’t want me alive.
Maybe you should have kept your mouth shut.
The pictures are still all together,
Although you ripped them into pieces.
IN that moment I grew up.
Maybe you should think about doing the same.
I never missed you, and will never miss you.
But I’m sure you would like to think I do.

HP CountDown

2007-07-02T13:09:48Z

Craziness

2007-07-02T13:09:03Z

Okay so it has been soooo crazy, but still good. Jamie and I got into our first "fight" but we are good and I have been kinda down lately but mending friendships has recovered that. Also I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of many things, one Transformers which opens today at 8 pm. Cant go see it till tomorrow though. Two, The 5th HP movie, and Last but not least The Final HP book. I cant believe this is the end. Tear.....

My TV and Movie Wish List

2007-06-14T13:48:00Z

So I decided to put up my wish list of box sets for tv shows because this might help me remember.

TV Shows

1. Six Feet Under all seasons (1-5)
2. Dawson's Creek All seasons (1-6) Plus series finale
3.Charmed all seasons
4.CSI LV all seasons
5. King of Oueens

Movies-this list could go on forever

1. Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind
2. Catch and release
3. Serendipity
4. Ghost World
5. Star Wars All
6. Xmen all
7.Beauty and the beast dvd collectors edition
8.The little mermaid dvd Collectors edition
9. Little Miss Sunshine
10.Spiderman 1,2 and 3 when comes out
11. Donnie Darko
12.Fight Club
13.Requiem for a dream
14. Phantom of the opera

for now thats all